Afraid to fall
by JBCBlank
Summary: In a time after the great war, the two great rulers of Equestria have to deal with the difficulties of having both Chaos and love far too close together.


_Ch. 1 Queen Cadence_

"I SAID NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!" She screamed from the other side of the closed door. No one had seen the Queen in almost a year, only a selected few had heard her voice, myself included. I had been sent here after the end of the war had left the Princess of Friendship with far too much paperwork to deal with my attempts to bring fun back to a race that seemed to have forgotten how to have fun in any way, shape or form. I was sent here because my good friend Princess Twilight had sent me here to the Crystal Empire in hopes that I could bring some happiness back to it, due to the fact that this entire city ran on hopes and dreams, or was it happiness and love? I could never quite remember. It was never easy for me to stand inside of this castle, it was far too small for a being of my advanced height, which I found amazing since from the outside it looked so spacious, it must have been the reflection of the light.

I stared at the door for a few moments in silence, every day since I had been sent here since I had been standing in this exact spot. The Crystal empire ambassador, (who wasn't even a crystal pony, in fact he was the Grandson of the late Rarity, the second to last of the spirits of harmony to succumb to the natural progression of life. The last being the gentile and kind to the very end Fluttershy, who I fear had stayed alive so long due to my influence. As far as I knew, so old that you were able to see your children die was something reserved for Alicorns. Oh dear I feel that I have gotten off on a tangent. Yes, the Elements of harmony were dead but that was not important, mostly because the original princesses were also gone, Luna and Celestia had gone even before Pinkie pie had been found dead in her home, having choked on a balloon. Everyone had told her that she should not try to participate in the organization of parties. At her age it was amazing that she could manage to remember the names of her own children much less the birthdays of every pony in town, or was it before? I admit I had grown quite attached to those ponies, and Twilight more since I spent most of my time in Canterlot as one of her highest magical advisors.)

As I was saying before, the Crystal empire ambassador was Rarities Grandson, Silverlight. He had stated quite effectively that he had not the time to deal with me, so he had basically put me on Babysitting duty. All I had to do was make sure that Queen Cadence ate and talked at least once a day. Yelling seemed to be the thing that she liked doing the most, that and crying. She never ate all of her food, but that was alright as that allowed me to finish for her, the food they brought for her was quite exquisite and it seemed such a waste to just toss it out. "Discord… are you still out there?" her voice came, soft and trembling.

"Yes your highness." Is all I said, I had learned over these few months that it was best to keep my side of the conversation to a minimum, lest she grow even more upset than she already was.

"Discord…" her voice trailed off and I heard her forcing back yet one more agonized squeal. "Take this from me… please…" she opened her door ever so slightly and all I could see was the tray of food, untouched.

"Is there something wrong with it?" I asked forgetting myself for a moment.

"It's… It was his favorite. Please I can't bear to see it." The urgency in her voice left no room for questions. I didn't need to ask who she was talking about, as I took the tray I heard her breath catch and I knew that my assumption was right.

Crystal berry pancakes, the favorite meal of her son, Scribble Quote, The late prince of the Crystal Empire. I contemplating eating it but for some reason I felt that it would have been disrespectful. A strange sensation, one that I had only felt once before, and that had been a very long time ago. As I teleported the meal to the kitchen I noticed that she had not closed the door, in fact she was standing in the opening, staring up at me. The exact expression on her face confused me, I had never seen it before. In her eyes I could see the deep depression that her overall appearance gave way, but the rest of her face seemed… happy. Before I could ask if she needed something, she closed the door and the room was silent. No crying was heard for the rest of the day. How very strange.

That night I watched the moon rise of its own accord, since Luna and Celestia had ascended, the celestial bodies moved on their own making it easier on the ponies and making me feel like I was always being watched. Perhaps I was, perhaps the princesses had in fact become the celestial bodies, but not even my powers could determine that. I leaned forward in the window chewing on a paper bag that I had summoned in the flavor of pizza. It had been so long since I had had something to think about, the Queen had smiled at me, after a year of silence, she had smiled… at me. Now I must admit, it's not like she had never smiled at me before. Back before the spirits of harmony had even gotten old, Cadence and I had been sent on possibly the strangest mission together to control a fountain of chaos which I had forgotten about. Come to think of it, I don't think that Cadence ever told Twilight that the chaos was caused by my fountain. All these years and I had never pieced it together. Living with ponies was starting to get to me.

I finished my bag and dove out the window, I needed to stretch myself out. The years had not been kind do me and being slumped over for so long was doing a number on my back. Now don't get me wrong, I was still quite young for my species, not even a 5th of the way through my cycle, but being in a place where you were doubled over in half all day would put a kink in anyone's back. As I stretched my right wing gave a satisfying crack and I relaxed into a puddle next to a statue of Rarity made of pure diamond. It didn't look like her at all, so I fixed it, adding her usual disapproving expression and ruffling her mane a bit. I felt as though someone was scolding me so I looked around but found no source. Even I was not above wild imaginings. But it was late, and sleep was something that I desperately needed.

I made my way to the very center of the garden, where there laid a birdbath, I made myself just the right size and lay in it turning the water into the perfect bed. Yes, just perfect.

I awoke the next morning before the sun had even started making its way into the sky. I turned everything, yes including the statue, back to how it had been before and made my way up the side of the castle, through the window and back to my regular size just as the sun's first rays started to light up the outside of the crystal castle. Quite the sight to see, from a distance, with sunglasses. I got to the Queens door just in time for the sun to cause it to shimmer and show for a moment her cutie mark, a little something I had done myself whilst bored and I was quite proud of it. It was a shame that no one would ever be up early enough to see it.

I yawned and got as comfortable as possible, for yet another day that I was going to be condemned to sit here and listen to the Queen cry. I was fully prepared for today to be exactly like all the days before it, that I would listen and sometimes she would ask if I was still here, then she would cry when they brought her food for one reason or another. A few hours passed and I could do nothing else but create random things to entertain myself with, keeping an eye out for Silverlight who I knew would scold me if he were to find me using my magic.

As predicted Silverlight trotted down the hall fallowed by his wife and a few other ponies who looked like they meant business. They all stopped before me and I tilted my head in greeting. "Good morning." I said a habit I had picked up from Fluttershy and was having trouble breaking.

"How did she do yesterday?" Silverlight asked ignoring my greeting. He was obviously more worried about the Queen than the use of proper manners.

"She didn't eat. But she smiled." I said crossing my arms in front of my chest as I made myself just a touch larger so that I took up much more space and looked fairly intimidating. Rudeness was not something I was willing to just let slide. I was Discord after all, the spirit of Chaos, a god among-

"She smiled?!" Both Silverlight and his wife stated in unison and Silver's monocle fell from his right eye and I caught it with magic before it shattered on the floor.

"Yes she did," I stated annoyed that they had interrupted my musings, "That's progress I believe is it not?" I must admit I was not an expert when it came to what the grieving process truly was. This was the first time I had come across a case that was beyond what my tricks could cure.

Silver and his wife turned to look at each other and I caught Silver's monocle in my clawed paw turning it over a few times as they seemed to have a silent conversation. I looked at the other ponies at this time, two of them, a pink crystal pony in a maid outfit, she carried towels in her saddle bag, the other had a bag full of soups, it seemed that they were going to try to bathe the queen. And I say Try because since I had been here I had never seen this be successful. Silver nodded and took the monocle from me using his magic, "Discord, if what you say is true then that means that she will come out of there soon." He was smiling as he placed his monocle back in it's rightful place. "We will have our Queen back."

I raised a finger to make a point but before I could he knocked on the door and my point died as my natural mischief perked it's head and I could not wait to see what was about to happen. "Your highness." Silver's wife called through the door, "we here to bathe you, are you ready." I waited for the queen to start yelling as she had a habit of doing when anyone else came around to ask her things, but amazingly this time, what we got was her opening the door and looking out at us. "My queen?"

Cadence looked down at the floor for a moment and dug her uncovered hoof into the ground, "I.. I will wash but… I want…" she looked up and stared directly at me, "I want Discord to wash me."

Everyone was frozen with disbelief, even me. What could possibly have given her the idea that I would- I looked at her for a few moments and she at me, well she did look pitiful as she was, perhaps it would be a good idea to help her with that, after all, what were friends for. "Oh alright." I said making the towels and soaps appear in my hands, "But don't expect me to enjoy it." Cadence looked slightly embarrassed but she stepped out into the sunlight her mane a cloud of unkempt hair, and her tail full of who knows what. Her coat was the opposite of shiny and she was so thin that I could count her ribs. She slowly led the way to the royal bath, we left the others behind, and they were obviously still very stunned.

We got to the bath, it was very large, large enough for me to bathe and that was saying something. She walked slowly into the warm water, I could tell it was warm because of how the steam was floating gently from it, her mane and tail stayed on the water's surface as the rest of her seemed to become enveloped in the water with ease. I could barely hear has her hooves touched the bottom of the bath, and she kept her back to me flexing her wings open and dipping their tips into the water. She got to the edge of the bath and waited there, for me to do something, I had been so entranced with watching her hair floating on the water that I had forgotten why I was even there. "If you don't want to… I can do it myself…" she said and I felt her magic wrap around one of the bottles in my hands.

"Oh, no, I'll do it." I said and made my way over to her and used magic to lift some water and allow the bubble of water to pop on her head, "Besides, you wouldn't be able to do it right." I could not see it due to her hair being in her face now, but I knew that she had smiled. I washed her hair first, since it was long, tangled and caked with who knows what. Using my claws I was able to gently untangle the strands without causing much pain to the queen. She wouldn't have complained I think, she just took everything I did and said with that regal silence that she had mastered so many years ago. When her hair was once again shiny and clean, I started on her wings, the special shampoo to clean those feathers smelled quite strange but she assured me that it was supposed to smell like that. There was a small brush that I was to use on her wings, it was quite small so I made it bigger, I didn't want to take longer than was necessary, the brush did its job and cleaned her feathers, making them as beautiful as they were the first time I had seen them. It was then that I came to what I had been avoiding, cleaning her body. I had a small rag, a brush and sweet smelling shampoo, that meant that I had to touch her, and I was not sure how comfortable I was with that. I started on her neck the part of it I could see, she moved to allow me to clean better her deep violet eye staring at me as I did so.

I tried hard not to make comments as my claws brushed through her fur, I felt her shiver a few times as my claws made their way over her back, it must have felt good after all it was not an easy place for a pony to scratch on their own. Cleaning her legs was where I started to hesitate more, she was thin, which I had noticed when I was cleaning her body, but it was her legs that showed it the most. I made sure not to hurt her as my paws worked on getting the caked dirt off her, her back leg's I also treated with delicacy, making sure to get all of the dirt off. There was an area that I did not touch at all, she noticed and cleaned it on her own while I went to "get a towel". Clean and shiny now, she stepped out of the water and allowed me to dry her off, at first I had thought about using my magic to dry her off, even clean her but I felt as though this was something that needed to be done slowly.

I did however, summon a blow dryer to help her dry off faster after toweling her as much as I could. She smiled as the warm air blew through her hair and I used my claws to comb through her hair making it the way that it had been before all of this. Clean, dry she looked up at me for a long moment before saying, "I really thought you were going to use your magic…" and with that she headed out of the room.

I blushed and fallowed her out, "Is… is that what you wanted?"

She didn't answer right away, but when she did she stopped and turned to look at me, "I am not sure what I want right now…"

I turned my head slightly and smiled at her, "I understand completely." She looked surprised and I waved my hand, "it is not important." She took a step toward me and I placed my paw on her head, "let's focus on you."

She spread her wings a bit but then just pulled back from my paw, "I would like to go for a walk today…" she said looking down for a moment. "Will you take me somewhere, where I won't have ponies asking about me?"

"Using my powers for your own benefit I see." I faked sighed, "Fine I guess I could do something like that for you." With that said I teleported us to the very outskirts of the Crystal Empire.

Cadence looked around trying to figure out where she was. In noticing her castle in the distance she finally was able to recognize the area. She walked around in a circle and looked toward her kingdom. I knew I should not have done it, but I had watched her suffer for so long that I knew it would be the only way to make all of this stop once and for all, "Cadence…" I stated flatly. Her ears perked at the sound of her name, she turned to me her face showing confusion for a moment. "You need to talk about it…" She turned her face from me immediately.

"You don't know what you're talking about." She said angrily, her ears still standing.

"Cadence!" Her name came out more of a growl than I had initially intended. She did not answer me but I could see that she had gone stiff. "You can't wallow in-."

"DO YOU THINK I ENJOY FEELING LIKE THIS?!" she shouted at me her whole body facing me and her horn glowing a soft blue ever so slightly. "DO YOU THINK THAT I WANT TO WAKE UP EVERY DAY WISHING THAT I TOO WAS DEAD?!" her eyes were brimming with tears as she screamed at me. She turned away from me and started walking toward the crystal Empire, "I'm going back to my room."

"No, you're not." I said as I got in front of her using my long serpentine body to block her advancement. "I can not allow that."

"you can't stop me!" she growled her eyes narrowing, "I could just-"

"no you can't.." I said holding her horn in my paw, "no magic for you my Queen."

She gasped and stepped back for a moment, "DISCORD YOU GIVE THAT BACK TO ME RIGHT NOW!"

"I can not allow that."

"you can't stop me!" she growled her eyes narrowing, "I could just-"

"no you can't.." I said holding her horn in my paw, "no magic for you my Queen."

She gasped and stepped back for a moment, "DISCORD YOU GIVE THAT BACK TO ME RIGHT NOW!"

"Not until you talk about your pain." I said pulling away from her.

She glared at me, her body rigid with anger, i could tell what she wanted to do to me, but i also knew that she was too loving to do so, after a few minutes pause her lower lip began to quiver and she dropped her wings, "i can't." she hung her head, her voice was low, like that of a foal that had done something wrong.

"Cadence," i murmured making my voice just as soft as hers. "what if i told the story... And you comment how you feel?" her ears perked ever so slightly. I took that as a yes and i gave her the space she needed using my magic to make a mini Equestria so that she could watch the story that i was about to tell instead of just listening.

"i believe it all started when our the princesses of hope and dreams ascended to become part of the celestial bodies that they controlled on a day to day basis. -"

"the final stage of Alicorns." Cadence interrupted watching the image i had conjured of the princesses turning into pure energy and becoming one with the sun and moon.

"correct." i stated, "and that?

"left me and twilight to take their place..." there was a hint of anger in that statement and i waited for her to say something else but she didnt. So i continued.

"and there were some who did not like that, and saw it as a chance to come in and bring a different kind of order." "i waved a paw and a group of shadow colored ponies appeared. "they started the war, one that lasted for almost five years."

"but they didn't attack right away." Cadence stated placing her hoof in front of the shadow ponies and moving them back. "they waited until Fluttershy died. When the elements of harmony-"

"could no longer be used." i finished for her, "they attacked the small towns first, taking control of as many ponies as they could."

"by the time news came to us... They already had an army bigger than canterlot and the crystal empire combined." she looked uo at me, "why didnt you tell us what was happening?" this last statement sounded quite angry.

"i told you back then, they had hidden what they were doing even from me. I was as taken aback by it as you were." she made a face "and after two years of war, your king and son," i brought images of them saying goodbye to cadence up so that she could see, "left to help the dwindling armies."

"leaving me alone..." she sat down and stared at the frozen image. "why did they have to die discord. Why did you come back... And they didn't." they last was said quite loudly and accusingly, "why didn't you die? Then they would have come back!"

Despite how much this statement hurt i kept it from showing on my face, "that is not how war works Cadence." i made my way over to her on all fours as low as i could be while still being intimidating, and i placed a paw on her cheek. "they gave their lives for their kingdoms, dont disgrace their sacrifice by allowing your heart to grow dark." she pulled away from me, "i know you feel lost right now, but that-"

"you couldn't possibly know how i feel." she snapped her eyes growing dark yet again. "all you know is your jokes and your tricks!"

I shook my head slowly, "you are wrong Cadence." i stared her directly in the eyes, what i was about to tell her i had not told a soul in over 2 thousand years. "i know the pain of losing a child." her face went from a look of anger to a look of confusion in a fraction of a second, "i had a child once, a daughter. And a wife. Back when my species was still plentiful and there were few ponies. We ruled, the only thing that could possibly threaten us were the dragons. And they did, and often. When i hatched i had no powers, i was just like all others of my species. The little magic i did have was the ability to transform, a trait shared by every draconicus.

I met my wife when i was but an adolescent, and it was wonderful. She birthed me a daughter, we were a family. But then the dragons launched their biggest siege yet. Thousands upon thousands of them descended upon us. Flames and claws were everywhere and when the flames had finally died down to embers and the sound of great wings had disappeared for good. I crawled half dead over to the charred bodies of my friends, my family, my wife. My daughter was nowhere in sight. The dragons had taken her, as they often did with the young." I paused for a moment trying to get the events in the right order, "I thought I was going to die, I knew I would, I was so weak, so burned, in so much pain. But right in the moment when I had accepted my death, I heard a voice, the voice knew my name."

Cadence had the look of pure interest on her face, she was listening and she really wanted to know what happened next. I lay down so that I could think more clearly and she walked over to me passing through my illusion which had continued to change as my story continued, "it told me that it could help me, that it would give me the power to destroy the dragons for what they had done to my kind. And I accepted the offer. In that instant I was filled with more power than I could have ever comprehended, and I was filled with the knowledge of the chaos bringers before me, including the one who had given me the power. A snail of all things. I knew my powers, its limits, the only thing I didn't know, was how to control them." I looked Cadence in the eyes and smiled softly, "When I had finally gained control, I made my way to the dragon's hive. When I had finished destroying as many that I could, I let the ones who were able to fly get away. I looked for my daughter, I searched all over their hive, in caves and even in the lava. I eventually found her, well parts of her. They had fed her to their babies. The only way I was able to identify her, was by her budding horns." I closed my eyes, "I was immortal, and the last of my species."

I felt her put a hoof on my paw, I opened my eyes to find her so very close to me, "I didn't know." Is all she was able to say through the lump in her throat.

"Of course not, you are the first person I ever told." I placed my paw on her cheek again and lowered my head so that my forehead touched hers. "Speak of your pain, or it will corrupt you, as it did me."

She had her eyes closed and I took the chance to return her horn to her. She and I simply lay there together for many long moments in silence. When she finally started talking, she cried, she smiled and she cried, she yelled and she cried, she laughed and she cried. Remembering everything, saying everything that she had to say. She finally fell asleep on my arms, a light smile on her face, and tears still glistening on her eyelashes. It had grown dark and I knew that the castle reps were going to blame me for her disappearance, so I decided it was not worth it to go back to the castle now, I made myself slightly bigger, so that she could be between my front paws then I lay my neck down over her, to keep her warm. And I sleep with someone, something I had not done since the death of my people.


End file.
